NZ's postmen live it up on profits of junk markets

Compared to the good-old British postie, their job is like being paid for sunbathing while reading a Dan Brown novel and drinking rum punch

WALKING up the flax-infested goat-track from our front door to the road this morning I was greeted, yet again, by the unwelcome sight of a mail box overflowing with bits of unwanted tat from various supermarkets, piano-tuners, pizza-parlours, and nail-polishers.

I find it hard to believe any of this stuff is worth printing, let alone paying some spotty-faced yoof to stuff it all in my mail box. I mean, how many people actually read it instead of just using it to light their fire boxes. (For which it's very welcome I might add).

It does seem as if my mail box gets all the neighbourhood's unwanted paper. I've noticed, quite anti-socially if you ask me, that many mail boxes have signs to deter the paper-posters. Things like: "NO CIRCULARS", "ADDRESSED MAIL ONLY", "NO FREESHEETS".

What happens is that the spotty yoof, who needs to get rid of 500 copies just to be paid a couple of dollars for his trouble, crams all the papers into any mail boxes without little warning signs. What would you do?

But all this is possible because leaflet-litterers and all the postmen - and women for all I know but I've just never seen one - do not have to deliver mail to the actual door in New Zealand. Their responsibility ends at the mail box, normally sited at the edge of the property.

This saves them any embarrassment at actually getting to know who lives in the houses so they can happily post any old crap they like and beat it down the road before you can complain.

And I've seen them, at a distance. Usually in tight blue shorts, ipods, and mirrored sunglasses that make their eyes look like martians. Since all Kiwis think it's summer all year long this is the required uniform. Compared to the good-old British postie, their job is like being paid for sunbathing while reading a Dan Brown novel and drinking rum punch.

I know, I hear you screaming, the UK suffers from its own brand of useless mail, but the UK's has some sort of class about it. Obviously nobody reads it, but you can just tell from the silky feel and the way the paper scrunches as you toss it in the recycling.

NZ's useless mail looks cheap, feels cheap and smells cheap. A bit like a pair of red-nylon knickers on a Soho dancing girl.

In fact, there's only one thing it's good for, and that's for lighting fires in the wine-freezing Kiwi houses. We need a lot of paper, and for that reason alone, I refuse to nail up a "NO CIRCULARS" sign on the mail box.

Comments

[Domestic Executive]

Oh I long for a mail box on my property. We don't have mail delivered out in the wilds of Kaitoke. We have to have a PO Box. I guess the upside of that is we don't get the junk mail and down side is I have to by the Dim post to light my fire.

I think kiwi junk mail reflects the overall approach to materials things. It's all thin and cheap and whilst not quite the strippers knickers isn't not far off.

[Juli Ryan]

We have "No Junk Mail" painted on our letterbox. I hate those cheap slutty circulars. My husband loves them. He gets very excited if a circular is left with us by mistake. Of course, this hardly ever happens. Instead, we buy the Dom Post--just so we can burn it. We're doing our part to keep the newspapers in business.

[William]

But Julie, you're also doing your part to kill newspapers by writing an excellent blog at http://juliryan.blogspot.com/

[Jules]

I hate the strippers knickers too, but the other half wont let me put the "no junk mail" sign up. And the quantity seems to double at this time of year, exactly when we don't need extra tinder.

[Mike]

Look, I've tried and those knickers refuse to go up. Made out of asbestos lined paper I suspect. The Dominion however is a prime firelighter.

[large format printing]

Just as you think snail mail will die soon in the advent of electronic mails and digital communication, you're wrong. I believe snail mail will continue forth in the future.