Pineapple lump epiphany

Lump the taste from wikicommons

Comment: If you spend any length of time in New Zealand it won't take you long to come across the fabled sweets that have a reputation out of all proportion to their generally tasteless, odourless and - let's face it - sweet-less character.

BRITS habitually complain about the chocolate here -- "It doesn't taste like it does at home" -- and think that calling sweets "lollies" even when they don't have sticks coming out of them is ridiculous. (This is a symptom of NZers baby-like habit of adding an "ee" sounds to everything e.g. stubby, barbie, yummy, sunnies, matey, cruisey, brekky).

And while many of the same sweetie [sic] brands can be purchased here, the recipe has been mangled so that the taste-sensation is not the same as it was back home. The packaging and jolly-fonts are familiar but the product is not real - a fake - a bit like buying K-tel's 20 great hits of the seventies performed by "Terry's Celebrations" four piece barmitzvah band.

New Evidence

But it turns out I have been living under a mistaken assumption over a particular type of sweet.

The pineapple lump is a what I used to call a chew. Similar to black jacks and fruit salads, and complete with the teeth-pulling power of a muscle-bound dentist.

The only thing it misses is the taste. To nick a line from the late, great Douglas Adams, it has flavour that is almost but not quite totally unlike the taste of pineapple.

However I've been eating them incorrectly. The only way to enjoy a packet of famous New Zealand Pineapple lumps is to first bung it in the freezer.

So instead of a jaw-gluing, teeth-extracting, conversation-halting passage to the far side of New Zealand life, the thing shatters and you're left with the sensation like a mouthful of glass covered in sugary-chocolate.

Nobody actually enjoys eating pineapple lumps, but like watching a game of cricket for excitment, the evidence of your senses has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, I'm off to get some chocolate fish.

Comments

[Domestic Executive]

I have to say I've missed this kiwi delicacy. And with a hatred of dentists I'll be continuing to miss it I think!

[Juli Ryan]

Pineapple lumps are such a disappointment. And that pineapple lumps advert is so misleading. If you gave God a pineapple lump, He'd send you straight to hell.

[William Knight]

Thanks Juli,

Though youll have to explain the lump advert to those of us who dont bother with NZ TV. (and for those in the UK too).

Will

[Juli Ryan]

Ah. The pineapple lump advert. A bunch of countries are sitting around a table, and God is handing out treasures. NZ arrives late, just as South Africa is receiving diamonds. Then NZ puts his hand up for the next item, which is pineapple lumps. "Well done, NZ," God says. The last shot is of God's hand, reaching into a bag of pineapple lumps.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpj2oVJhYjM

[Avalon]

See - theres a reason we pay for MySky and skip the adverts :)

I dont eat sweets - so thankfully I can say I have missed this particular joy. But It has alwasy confused me when Air NZ brings round the snacks and says "Lolly Mix" and its a bag of sweets.

And I did get the shock of my life when I first came here and saw Low Carb Cadbury's Dairy Milk. I thought all my christmases had come at once. I nearly cried and threw u with my first chunk :(

[Tanya]

AirNZds lollie mix is an in joke named after the 10 and 20cent mixtures we used to get from the dairy a few decades ago. As a kiwi currently living in Cambodia I am crying out for NZ lollies the Asian ones we have here really are either tasteless bits of barely flavoured but highly-added-to-with-other-assorted-toxins agar agar or chinese lollies which are anything but sweet. Bring on the Pineapple lumps (even if they are to pineapple as a British curry is to actual curry).
PS fab blog tho

[William Knight]

Thanks for the comment Tanya,

We should conduct a survey to find the best sweets (lollies). Unfortunately, I think that, in terms of raw popularity of numbers Chinese sweets would win.

[ClubPenguin]

Then NZ puts his hand up for the next item, which is pineapple lumps.