More than balls unite NZ with Australia

Uluru, NZ icon. Photo: Australien-links.ch, Wikicommons

YOU HAVE to understand that when you come to live in New Zealand you are automatically bound up in another relationship that's almost certainly unwanted.

It's a love-hate friendship that pervades everything Kiwi and makes it, somehow, less good. The other party always does things differently, or better, or doesn't do them at all because the Kiwi way of doing things seems as hip as a gramaphone at an iPod rave.

And it's unwanted because it's a bit like a used car triggering a long-term relationship with the local mechanic as you trundle backwards and forwards getting all the bits fixed. The relationship's real, economically necessary and benefits everybody, but you'd rather have a car that didn't smell like an oil tanker or set-off like Skippy.

I'm talking of course about the trans-Tasman relationship with Australia.

To put it into context, New Zealanders love Australians rather like the Scots love the English; they have a little-brother syndrome so large you can see it from the international space station.

And yet the similarities between the two countries are unmistakeable.

Take today's feature in the Sydney Morning Herald about what men want in a women. Now I wouldn't think such an article was worth bothering to write... (the answer seems self-evident to me, and to give you a clue, it begins with a P.)

But reading the article you get such gems as, "The husband fields the ball to his wife, and she scores a goal."

And, "Ball breaking must be kept to a minimum. I mean, really, if a guy does everything you want, he shows you affection, why break his balls?"

Why indeed. I have no idea what these mean, except in a literal and rather disturbing way, I think the balls mentioned are refering to sports balls, not to wedding-tackle, but Aussies and Kiwis have a born-in understanding of such things.

And while they're banging on with their sporting metaphors, they also sound the same. Don't believe a word the natives say about different vowel sounds and how easy it is to tell a Victorian Aussie from a Northland Kiwi. One supposedly says "six" the other "sex" but they both sound like "sax" to me.

It's a bit like telling your North Yorkshire from your South Yorkshire. Fine for those born in Huddersfield but an utterly pointless waste of time for everybody else.

Technically there is no difference between an Aussie and a Kiwi. They share the same genetics, they're both geographically on the wrong side of the planet, they can work in each other cities without a visa and the economies are so closely tied they might as well use the same banks.. oh.. they do. Also, they both drive on the left, share the Queen, eat vegemite, love scrum downs, have the same flag, etc etc etc.

NZ was even administered as part of New South Wales, until 1840.

So is there a prospect of a family reunion?

It seems unlikely. In 1901, the New Zealand Government decided against joining the Australian Federation. And even though in 2007 the Constitutional Committee of the Australian Federal Parliament said it would like to revisit the issue, NZ treats such advances with suspcion.

Like with all little brothers, independence is hard won and fiercly guarded.

Comments

[Juli Ryan]

I agree with so much of this post. But the Kiwis are pioneers and the flags are ever so slightly different. LOL.

[Alan]

LoL 'as hip as a gramaphone at an iPod rave!' Hilarious I'll have to find a legit way of using that.
Time to sit down & catch up ok your posts later. Thanks doer the articles, keep posting them.

[Alan]

Really good article capturing the spirit of the 'relationship' really well.